Post by Man in Black on Jul 5, 2009 9:54:06 GMT -5
I thought that I might beg for a few thoughts and prayers this week. I haven't shared this with anyone but my immediate family, but this coming Friday I finally get my disability hearing. We have fought and cried and scraped for two years now to keep our home while we waited for this chance.
I'm not going to lie - I have totally re-examined myself as a human being... more than once. I have never been one to give up, but I never knew it could be this hard to keep going. Every day I've had to look at myself in the mirror and convince that man he is still relevant somehow. I've always enjoyed the luxury of being the one everyone around me relied on. Now I struggle against the need to be needed.
I don't look forward to convincing a judge that I cannot work. I hate the thought of trying to make people feel sorry for me. The simple fact is that I've been working since I was 14 and if I could work now I'd be working.
I have about 5 decent days on average per month and I never know when these "good" days will come. Sometimes I cannot get out of bed for 2 or 3 days at a time and of the days that are left... I have to lie down many times. I am heavily medicated just to keep my body from becoming severely disfigured and the side effects are nearly unbearable at times and the pain I'm not even going to try to describe... but it is always there even on the best days. There is no way to get a job with such a routine.
They say that disability hearings have a positive outcome 60 percent of the time. I have had to come to grips with the fact that my family has a 40 percent chance of losing our home. If my claim is denied we will lose our house. (We have only been making the payments with the help of the church). Believe it or not I'm OK with that now. I have made a conscious decision to take whatever comes on Friday with a positive attitude - to meet this crossroad as an opportunity for change.
Not that I'm taking the hearing lightly, I'm not. I have done everything in my power to win this case. But, even though my fate may be decided for me - I will not allow the outcome, either positive or negative, to dictate who I am.
At my lowest points during these last two years one of my favorite quotes has inspired me to push away the bitter thoughts that so easily take a weakened mind - "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." - Martin Luther King
So if all the Lord has left me to do in my time of adversity is to be positive, then positive is what I'll be. I have learned to live and live happily with my health. There is a reason for all this I know and I refuse to miss whatever opportunity it will bring.
My wife and son don't deserve this situation, but unfortunately like you've heard me say "deserves has nothing to do with it." So I ask you good friends here to pray for me and my family this week. No matter what happens on Friday... my life will never be the same again... and I'm only going to let that be a good thing.
I'm not going to lie - I have totally re-examined myself as a human being... more than once. I have never been one to give up, but I never knew it could be this hard to keep going. Every day I've had to look at myself in the mirror and convince that man he is still relevant somehow. I've always enjoyed the luxury of being the one everyone around me relied on. Now I struggle against the need to be needed.
I don't look forward to convincing a judge that I cannot work. I hate the thought of trying to make people feel sorry for me. The simple fact is that I've been working since I was 14 and if I could work now I'd be working.
I have about 5 decent days on average per month and I never know when these "good" days will come. Sometimes I cannot get out of bed for 2 or 3 days at a time and of the days that are left... I have to lie down many times. I am heavily medicated just to keep my body from becoming severely disfigured and the side effects are nearly unbearable at times and the pain I'm not even going to try to describe... but it is always there even on the best days. There is no way to get a job with such a routine.
They say that disability hearings have a positive outcome 60 percent of the time. I have had to come to grips with the fact that my family has a 40 percent chance of losing our home. If my claim is denied we will lose our house. (We have only been making the payments with the help of the church). Believe it or not I'm OK with that now. I have made a conscious decision to take whatever comes on Friday with a positive attitude - to meet this crossroad as an opportunity for change.
Not that I'm taking the hearing lightly, I'm not. I have done everything in my power to win this case. But, even though my fate may be decided for me - I will not allow the outcome, either positive or negative, to dictate who I am.
At my lowest points during these last two years one of my favorite quotes has inspired me to push away the bitter thoughts that so easily take a weakened mind - "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." - Martin Luther King
So if all the Lord has left me to do in my time of adversity is to be positive, then positive is what I'll be. I have learned to live and live happily with my health. There is a reason for all this I know and I refuse to miss whatever opportunity it will bring.
My wife and son don't deserve this situation, but unfortunately like you've heard me say "deserves has nothing to do with it." So I ask you good friends here to pray for me and my family this week. No matter what happens on Friday... my life will never be the same again... and I'm only going to let that be a good thing.
So at any rate he feels that going through with the actual hearing would be in my best interest. And I don't care if I have to eat a raw herring as long as we can get all this over with ;D
